ITS THAT TIME!!#$!@$^@!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOSS

STORIES FROM ABROAD!!

MEATLOAF HOLDIN' SFA DOWNNN

Slap this up ther homes.

Profile piece on my boy German(pronounced Herman)

I meet the dude like six weeks into service. I was assistant teaching basketball gym class at this highschool, when the gym teacher introduced me to this other teacher at the school who apparently was a baller. He seemed pretty cool, in the following weeks we shot around, formed a stronger relationship, and I got to know some other guys who also like basketball, includig this guy Guille, who balls and owns a second hand sneaker and apparel store.

One day we went to Sigua, a city about an hour and 15 minutes away for a basketball game and to chill and party. Its a bigger city with more dance spots then where we live, and all Guille´s friends live there cause thats where he grew up. a couple weeks before, German was showing us these pictures of assault rifles on his phone and asking us if he should buy and resell them. I sited the immorality, Guille concurred, but understood the obligations of having to provide for his family(guille being a family man himself). Anyway, German pulled out a fat stack, about what i make in a month, so apparently he made the deal. After we had a bunch of drinks at this bar, i bounced to my homie Robert´s to burn (he´s this american dude who came to live w his dad in honduras after a career ending ankle injury fucked up his bball scholariship like 6 yrs ago). German wan gonna spend the night too, but once he left the bar and passed by Robert´s crib we decided just to head strait back to SB at like 2am, cause he insists he drives more tranquilo when he´s drunk, and we didnt want to miss our obligations the next morning.

On our way back, I took the opportunity to get to know him better so i asked him how old he was the first time he had sex. "12" he says, "guess how old she was?" Im like "14," He´s like "na, 26" I was like "HAHAHAHAHA!!!!" this nut ass Ali G motherfucker. when he was a kid he worked for his mom´s business where he had to make deliveries in an apartment building by his house. So this one woman was just like a pedofile or some shit and the first time he went over there she started feeling him up and then started suckin him off. then by like the second or third time he was smashin on her bed and he stopped goin over after like 6 times.

After this story, he had both finished our beers and we pulled over to put them on the highway and shoot at them w his burner that he always keeps in his wip. He sets up the corona bottle like 10 meters ahead of the car and I obviously blast that no problem one shot one kill and he´s all like "daaaaaaamn, Milo´s handy w the steel. oh shit i ain´t know!" we get back in the car cause hes just like "fuck it, I just wanted to see if you could shoot" I already knew he could shoot cause we had gone to this carnival a couple weeks before and he was merkin shit w this bb gun winning prizes and shit. So he starts telling me how his gun work is so on point. He got his first gun when he was like 12, and his uncles taught him how to shoot cause they were assassins. But then one day when he was 14 he was shooting around basketball w his homies when some dudes ran up on them all of a suddent everyone pulled out their straps out and started blasting. German clapped three dudes, one dude he shot two times in the leg and the chest, the other two dudes in the leg and like the arm or something, and he never found of if the dude he shot twice died or not. Shortly after that he moved from Puerto Cortez where he had been living to SB where we both live now. He had his first kid when he was 16, then another kid when he was 19 with a different baby´s momma here in SB and now has a new secret baby´s momma in Puerto Cortez that his other baby´s mommas dont know about. Now he´s a natural sciences highschool teacher, part time arms dealer and one of my main homies in Honduras.

CRACKKK

SUPER SMASH

HE'S BAAAACK!!

ALLFACEMELTEVERYTHING

MLS

HAPPY HALLOWEEN SNITCHES

CHARLIE CHAPLAIN IS A G

TITE

LIKE I SAID

RIP CITY

STFU

THE SWAGGIEST

MUNDAYS

CORN ROWS AND MANICURED TOES

Experience Human Flight from Betty Wants In on Vimeo.

STORIES FROM ABROAD!!

MEATLOAF COMIN WITH THE GOLD AGAIN!!

"Orange Sherbert"

Yo Leeps, put this on C-Tits if you want. Not as exciting as some tales, but it still might be entertaining/generate some discussion.

I came accross these pants in a strange and harrowing tale. I had a doctors appointment in SPS which means I got the 240 Limp transportation costs covered by the office, and this doctors appointment happened to put me by the mall. I stopped in just to kill time, where I walked into a Zara - which, according to The Economist, has wide price disparities for the same products sold in different countries. So i thought i might come up on a deal. I saw these, and decided that I would buy them. But i didnt have enough money on me! Golden op Lost!!

The next day, I happened to get another free trip to SPS to translate for some rotary club members who were doing electrical work in Santa Barbara. This trip happened to take us by the mall too, and it happened to have enough dead time in it for it to be at least somewhat acceptable for me to have the four other men wait while I went strait to the rack in this somewhat metro store and bought these pants. Two consecutive rare opps, I had to take advantage. Down from 890, they cost 695 Limps. Or $36, or ten days worth of food, or about 16% percent of my monthly paycheck. I think the fit is great, however I am wavering as to the credibility of the color. Are they suffiently professional? Normal people can wear the same jeans like 3 times a week, but can you wear the same orange jeans 3 times a week? ...Plus, to ease my embarassment, i told the dudes I was with that I was getting a gift for somebody. I figured that way they wouldnt think I was just taking their time to wait while I shopped for some orange jeans for myself. Now i gotta wait till i dont think im gonna see them before i wear them to work and shit, or risk facing the shameful moment when I tell them that I Infact "decided to keep them for myself".

So, what do you think? Proffessional in an American context? Professional in a honduran context?

BACK IN EFFECT

JUST GOT BACK FROM CALI

NOW BACK TO BIZNASS

12 SECONDS

THATS HOW LONG IT TOOK TO DECIDE THAT THIS RIPS

PANDA BEAR "Surfer's Hymn" from m ss ng p eces on Vimeo.

BEER WEEK STARTS TODAY

TAKE COVER.

HIRED

IT'S FRIDAY, IT'S GOIN DOWN

TROUT BOUT, GET A TASTEE

TROUT BOUT 2011TEAM AMURRICA WAS IN ATTENDANCE
THERE WERE SOME SIDE ATTRACTIONS

LIKE THIS CREEPER AND HIS VAN

WALK OF SHAME

I WAS THE DD

HOLLYWOOD

WORLDS END

THE HAUL

WHO'S ON CARY-WATCH?

SULLYS GOT IT UNDER CONTROL. HE'S ALSO KIND OF A BIG DEAL.

CALLOW'S IN THERE SOMEWHERE

PEACE OUT TROUT BOUT. I'LL SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.

PIRATE HOUDINI ON DECK

FUEGO MIXTAPE FROM PAC DIV

THIS MIXTAPE IS FIRST TEAM, ALL AMERICA. GET IT HERE

STORIES FROM ABROAD!!

ANOTHER SFA FROM MILOSH. HE CALLS THIS ONE "FORTUNE FAVORS THE BULL". GET A TASTE

This past Friday a couple of project classes had trainings that ended which put a bunch of volunteers hanging out in Teguc on Friday night. A group of like 8 of us went out dancing at this spot called habia una vez which is like 3 blocks from the office so getting there was a simple walk.

Shit was pretty poppin, they played some like house salsa or some weird shit i wiggled a little on the dance floor. Only thing is volunteers for the most part are lame and i had told my homie whose a dj that I'd meet him at this other spot like 10 blocks away. So I left w my one v*lunteer friend whose cool but might be a virgin, and another kid who I had never had a real conversation w but felt weirded out by people wearing home made stylized clothes and wanted to go somewhere fancier. We took a cab but once we got there, I couldn't find my boy and he wasn't answering his phone! Pissed off I was like "fuck! Fuck! We're wasting the meat of the night we must get back as fast as possible" so so we disembarked powerwalking thru the windy teguc streets and actually make it back in like 20 min.

But I was still irked by the wasted journey, and time which required dancing w this skinny white girl volunteer to calm my nerves. I dicked around, holla'd at some other jains, got some numbers. At this point I was feeling pretty satisfied w my desireability and wasn't opposed when the group of v*lunteers wanted to head out, especially cause the spot was about to close, and my dj homie ended up appearing. The hotels we were staying at were like 4 and 6 blocks from the bar we were at, so a pleasant evening stroll was in order right? Well according to the stats teguc is extremely dangerous so some of the volunteers were like "Meatloaf, are you gonna walk? we're thinking about catching a cab" I was like "na fuck that we just walked all far from Los Preceres shit was sriait, im walkin back. Cab prices at night are too high." they were like, there is a lot of us... than this doofy but genuine v*lunteer kid was like "fortune favors the bull, lets do it. As soon as we turned the first corner we were greeted by intrusive but kind words from a small tranny. we all shrugged them off and kept walking. strait down a dark, narrow and windy street was the quickest route the the hotel where half the kids were staying but we turned left down the larger better lit cross street. upon seeing this the small kind tranny yelled "hay peligro por alla(there's danger in that direction)" but we were like fuck it better than strait.

then about half way down the block I was like "i feel perfectly safe! I im sure we'll all be fine... well actually im sure i'll be fine, i dont know bout rest of you." Then, I saw a pair of tits floating in the shadows across the street; we all turned our attention in that direction only to hear a raspy voice and see a solid tranny frame accompany the tits onto the street and towards our direction. we all kept walking and figured we would ignore and pass this tranny like the last one. but it continued so fervently as to make me pick up pace and chime to the flock of conspicuous marks "no straglers." And then, a cab pulled up in the opposite direction. as everyone stopped the tranny stepped into the streetlight on our side walk, where we saw a huge gleaming machete in its hand! At this point i thought "I need to increase the distance between me and this machete" and did so with three quick strides into the street. I made eye contact with my favorite other volunteer as she got into the cap safely, and then watched the tranny grab from behind some nut ass cav's-basketball-t-shirt-and-ballin-shorts-wearin-out-to-the-bar ginger kid by the shoulder and raise the machete. the kid wrigled into the cab as fast as he could to which the tranny responded by slashing at the back of the cab as it pulled off. Apparently furious, the cab driver did a doughnut intending to rectify the damage to his car w the tranny, but persuaded by a load of frenzied gringos he continued on to the their destinations.

Once the cab arrived back at the hotel every one was talking about how crazy it was and how they're never walking again and always taking cabs. I was like "man that wasnt shit," and they kept bitching and i was like "if you all had never slowed down to get the cab the tranny never would have caught us and it would have ben no big deal." as they continued to go on and on about the danger they just faced, i thought wait a minute, if i contunue to play this down, it'll become a boring story when i tell it. Trannys are just a part of the night when going out in Hondo.

TIS THE SEASON

THE KID IS BACKBEAST MODE

AND SOMETIMES YOU CATCH A CLASSIC.

SALEM RIPS

FULL BLAZE

I SHOULDVE BEEN AN ART MAJOR

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME

STRAIGHT DRUGS.

YOUNG BALL FROM DC ASKED ME TO POST THIS. CTITS REPS DC, SO CONSIDER IT DONE. LEAVE A COMMENT WITH FEEDBACK.

X GON GIVE IT TO YA.

THE NEXT REBECCA BLACK

DOWN SYNDROME IS ONE HELLUVA DRUG... TOO SOON?

MONDAY IS THE NEW FRIDAY

STORIES FROM ABROAD!!

FROM YOUNG Z MARKS IN INDIA. GET A TASTE!!

"first of all, who the fuck is jessie kalick? second of all, homosexuality just follows me around the globe. i remember spending half of carnaval in rio last year dodging dudes' tongues that were tryna find their way into my mouth. ike and i got kicked out of a synagogue in israel for holding hands "too intimately" whatever that means, and when i went to iran with phil, we actually died for a minute cuz ahmedinejad said "there are no homos in iran, no homo."

i been tryna kick it hetero in mother india the past year, but when you're used to evan tossing your salad thrice a week, well, it's a tough habit to break. naturally, i had to find another tongue, yadig? so i start showin up in all these facebook photos with my bol young johnny k. we just doin normal shit, holdin hands, lyin on each other and whatnot (speaking of which, tetas de pollo, apparently young bols can see your fbook pics and comment on them even if your not friends wit demz. i notice this cuz my little sexy grade school students be creepin on my shit and then leaving comments on pics from like 2007 bein all "lukin gud sir." anyway, in school the other day, this dumb ass eleventh grader who always sends me night night text messages comes up to me all nervous, rappin bout "sir, you are looking so smart in your facebook pictures, sir," bla bla bla "but some are very naughty. yes, sir. sir, i showed them to my entire family, sir. oh, sir, they are so naughty, sir. like the one where you are, um, how you say, you are biting your brother's tit and he is holding your, um, leg, sir." anyway, that's your gay ass that little gay indians know about now, phil.) so back to me and johnny k. he's a good catholic school boy from ottawa, illinois so of course his mama hates abortion and gays, but she emails him, like, "john, you know you can tell us anything. we're only asking this because we're sure lots of other people are. is there something going on between you and zach?" of course there is. so with my gayness outed, i had no choice but to take it with me around the country. i went to the state of gujarat, where they massacre muslims and prohibit alcohol. you'd think they wouldn't let dudes rub up on dudes, but that's all they do doing the hindu holiday of navratra. men get in circles and dance like fairies. here's a story i aint never even told nobody here cuz it was just weird, not funny, not noteworthy because you could gleam from it some sociocultural trend, nothing, just weird. so im down in a quiet little fishing village on the arabian sea in the southern state of kerala (we were in the south for the tamil new year, pongal, the highlight of which is this crazy ass bull-riding contest called jallikattu, where dudes rub chillis in bulls' eyes and pinch their bulls so they ready to straight up stomp some poor tamil villager. and that's exactly what happens. a guy actually got gored to death at the jallikattu we went to. shit was intense. although not quite as intense as when we went to hyderabad for moharram, a muslim holiday where the shi'ites self-flagellate the shit out of themselves. slicing their foreheads, whipping their backs with knives, spraying blood everywhere, fuck. phil, remember that shirt you were gonna make, "if you aint ridin a camel, you aint shiite?" why didnt you make that? woulda sold like hotcakes.) back to kerala. i wake up at 5:30 to see the fishermen bringin in their haul from these big ass nets. im standing, arms crossed, just observing when one of the fishermen walks up to me, kinda smiling. he's a scrawny little five-foot tall malayalam dude. not many teeth. probably weighs 90 pounds. maybe 40 years old. he gets right up next to me and touches my dick! just touches it. then walks away. im like, what the fuck? i think maybe he meant to shake my hand but just missed and is embarrassed. but then he comes back to me like 5 minutes later. does the same shit! i dont say anything. i feel too victimized. i try to focus on the pomfret and sardine distribution that's happening in front of me, cuz seafood's pretty interesting, no homo. then he comes back, reaches out, i slap his hand away, he gets the idea that i don't want this to happen, and it's over. see, not funny, or a good story to tell people because it's not like "oh yeah, all keralan fishermen are kinda gay," or "well, those are the inevitable consequences of a society that represses sexuality and public displays of affection" (well, one of those consequences, according to this gay bookstore shopkeeper i talked to once, is that "in india, there are no gay people, just a lot of straight men who fuck each other.") where was i? oh yeah, i dont know, i just thought i'd tell that story in this forum because i feel like chicken titties is my safe place. thank you, chicken titties. god bless you and god bless america."

USA USA!!

SUPER SMASH

LETS-A GOO!!!

SOMETIMES LIFE IMITATES ART.

OFF THE DEEP END.

f

THIS BABY RIPS. PUT YOUR WEEKEND IN A HEADLOCK.

THURSDAY GET WEIRD

‎8=====D

"HEY GUYS I THINK IM GONNA DOUBLE UP"SO HE BROKERS A DEAL...

... ALL DOWN HILL FROM THERE.

HENRY? MORE LIKE EVAN
CHROMEO

WOA-OHH-O

MAKE IT RAIN

BEAV SHOWED UP!!

BUT THEN EV GOT ALL JITTERY AND WE HAD TO LEAVE

BACK TO THE LAND OF THE HOAGIE. PEACE DC.

SOOO MUCH SNOW

SIDENOTE: I DON'T CONDONE EYE-TALIANS OR BUSINESSES THEY'RE ASSOCIATED WITH.

NERD NERD NERD

STORIES FROM ABROAD!!

NEW SEGMENT STARTING TODAY CALLED STORIES FROM ABROAD. CHICKEN TITTIES' GOT PEOPLE ALL OVER THE GLOBE DOIN' ALL SORTS OF ILL SHIT. WE HOPE TO SHARE SOME OF THEIR EXPERIENCES. GET A TASTE!!

FROM MEATLOAF IN HONDURAS. ENJOY!!

"ok heres something for the family audience,

last month we had the two week long town fair which consisted of activities all day and one to 3 stages at night in the central park w bands and music and what not. one popular form of dance here is called the punta which originated from the black people on hondurases north coast and is fast booty shaking puntuated by agressive thrusts. the song "metelo... sacalo..., metelo, sacalo, metelosacalometelosacalo(put it in, take it out...)" sums it up well.

one night was like usual w the band dancing and singing, and then eventually inviting members of the crowd up to participate. first a girl went up and she danced by herself, then they called a dude up to dance with her and then some other combos, then a dance off with the crowd voting for the best which is also the most freak nasty and sensual. all this is normal. But then, the band was like, "now lets get the kids up here!!!" so this skinny little 12 year old girl goes up and starts w all this stripper like booty shakin and the crowd goes wild. and then they get like an 11 yr old boy up there and the crowd goes even more wild. AND THEN they kick the little boy to the side, and the chubby like 30 yr old band guy starts getting all up on the little girl on stage! like picking one leg up and shit and just ramming her from behind. then another fat band dude gets in from the front! and the crowd loved this.

This whole time i was mackin on this chick mind you playing my sensitivity for the well being of the children to my full advantage, and at this point i was like this is disgusting lets go to the other stage which is hip hop oriented. And just as we get there the band is doing the SAME THING w little kids! So i was like ya`ll mufuckas is nasty, no wonder why theres all these teen pregnancies and your economy sucks.

then after the shorty i was talkin to bounced, i took this groupie 20 yr old who jumped on my nuts pa´ la casa (back to the crib) where i pleasure and pained my way through a toothy ass blow job. everythings third world down here."

REAL FUCKING RAP.

FRIDAY. LETS GO.

HANDMADE IN THE USA

YOU TAKE THIS.....DO SOME OF THIS...

...AND VOILA.

FINISHED GOODS

MITER'D CORNERS

SANDED AND WAXED FINISH

SUNKEN SCREW CONSTRUCTION

AND A TABLE IS RE-BORN.